Sam Cooke in the morning

 

I hadn't known how he died

He tried to rape a woman 

The bullet pierced his heart

The funeral home leaked 

The horse show isn't what it used to be 

So many people abandon their origins to memory 

I left so many times 

I'm here because I still think it's important 

The 4-H clubs and the pony shows and the equine therapy 

We're all different with each other and in different places 

Is anyone who they claim to be 

Is it fair to expect it? 

How do you judge a person? 

I like him on the table but what's he like at home at 10pm on a Tuesday 

For example 

My idol is a woman who conducted herself with integrity always, was kind to children, held others to a high-but-fair standard, and did good in her community. She didn't have a storied resume. She wasn't famous and she didn't need to be. Salt of the earth. 

indulgence

 

It's not that it's dark 

It's blank 

Force yourself up, say fuck, work all day, try to catch up on chores, fall further behind 

Do it again 

My Dad's book said, Chop wood. Carry water. 

There can be dignity here. 

I do not embody it. 

My Dad is I refuse to write it.

In my mind I'm drunk and chain smoking on the bank of a river 

I write the script / I am drinking 

I draft the report / I am drinking 

I tend the garden / cigarette smoke seeps from the hair follicles on my arms

Externally she is keeping things together 

Her Mom never missed a day of work 

Are you getting back to normal?

It has been three months. 

It has been so long. 

I do not remember what normal felt like. 

Is gratitude the same as joy? 

I'm so fucking sad 

Nicknames for Suzie

 

Suze

Suzie Q 

Suzie McQuzy 

Suze McQ

The Baby 

Beeps 

Beepy Deep 

Beepy Deeps

Beepy Deepy 

Beepsy 

Beepsy Boo 

Angel Baby 

Honey Baby

Sweet Honey Girl 

Sweetie Patootie 

Cutie Patootie 

Sweet Little Angel 

Angel Girl 

Girly Whirly 

Beepsy Boppity Boo