Mind the Gap

 

I feel better already

It's hard to offer up something you love for judgement 

Ten months a year 

When I think I am too tired to carry on I drive 40 minutes upward and ski laps in the snow

He putts CGI greens and I'm chewing 

on a chocolate protein bar 

He washes a mug, a bowl, and spoon, just the way my breakfast needs them 

That is a kind of knowing I didn't know existed 

When it comes to sexualizing men, I could argue either way 

In the sunshine white shirt black eyes 

Good at predicting things 

I wish I could stop caring about being assessed 

Maybe that's partly what the practice is for 

Pick Thai obviously medium spice steam the tofu tip higher and higher again when she protests 

The only positive consent violation = tipping really well 

Putt putt mother effer 

Up to six feet, some say 

I'm going to float the river assholes 

Come on, let's be a little daring

Whiskey fruit

 

I didn't do it on purpose, but I knew I was doing it. 

I tried to get him to like me. 

Pursed octogenarian lips thick fumbling fingers

My youth sits alone in the waiting room 

Maybe you should get up and make it yourself 

I ask for another favor

They're eager to drain us of blood 

I wish I wasn't so good at embodying what I'm not 

We didn't get invited to the wedding

Why are you together if you don't believe in it 

I never thought I would. 

II. 

Why? Because when I run the blossoms are chin height

I breathe hard, inhaling them 

Now I'll walk those same streets with my dog 

Honestly I'm not ranked or free

I've never been able to skate 

Prepare to eat your shorts for lunch 

Can you fucking believe that I learned how to ski 

Two ways of telling it

 

1. 

The proliferation of reality TV is a consequence of wealth inequality. For the slight chance of winning the money they need to secure a home or take their beloved wife on the honeymoon for which she's waited nine years or pay off the small loan they took out in order to open the business of their dreams, non-wealthy people must perform for the wealthy. In some cases, they will be asked to perform degrading tasks or risk physical harm for the entertainment of millionaires who sit before them, judging, as well as people who are secure enough in their wealth and comforts to sit on their couches and watch the beleaguered poor people don a chicken suit or slip down an inflatable slide into a pool of foam or smash headfirst into a spinning hotdog spit the length of several humans before falling into the water and spending the next two hours in wet clothes and underwear, their carefully combed over bald spot uncovered or the mascara they'd applied to feel more comfortable on TV streaked across their cheeks.

2. 

How wonderful that the aspiring women's right activist and the recovered heroin addict with tattoos on his neck can enjoy this chance to demonstrate their prowess in the kitchen for a panel of accomplished judges on national TV. They must be so proud of themselves. This must feel like a very big moment in their lives.

From "December" by Matthew Zapruder

 ...

 

everyone understands

in a different

contradictory way

the so far purely 

abstract

catastrophe

so many millions

of choices

    brought us,

...

 

Notes to self

 

Hold your frame. 

 

It's hard not to be a little wistful sometimes. 

How can women write their anger? 

Not sure if I'm still settling.

Write about the oppressive banality of spending every day hungry.

 

He still lapses into selfishness. Can I live with that?  

 

"You are allowed to stay in difficult relationships." - Myriam 

 

Get your ego in check. 

 

 

You can integrate guppie Laura and this one. 

You met on the mountain.

 

The last four years have been the gift of remembering why nature is worth fighting for.  

 

I've spent so much time feeling like everyone else knows more than/is cooler than me and I need to constantly apologize/make up for my inadequacy.

 

Why bother fighting?  

 

You've gotta open your kindness up again. 

 

I have a tendency of giving up. 

Would he be able to forgive me as intensely as I've needed to forgive him? 

The question probably means I haven't. 

 

Get Rich, Lucky Bitch 

 

Maybe you're already doing enough. 

 

When I say that I have flashbacks I mean it. 

From "Reunion" by Charles Wright

 

 

 I write poems to untie myself, to do penance and disappear

Through the upper right-hand corner of things, to say grace.

 

 

 

 

Family chat is getting weird

Gertrude Stein was a fascist asshole.

Yes, but I give her more leeway. Men have had so many chances.



What does a snake smell like? The skin of its underbelly?

Yesterday we saw a baby snake navigating its way from trail to grass. Were we its first humans?



The country keeps getting smaller and I am opening up.

I'm braver than I've recognized.



Try the Pomodoro Technique for writers.

Try this burger with caramelized onions tucked into it.

Try to stay present.

Try not to think about how much you miss your parents' house.

Try to write something different.

You won't know if you love translating poems unless you try.