Mother wound

 

 

The energy healer wears Uggs and shivers on the sand. 

Tonight they will burn an effigy the size of a small apartment. 

 

Tonight the sky darkens. Somewhere in the distance, thunder. 

I suppose I won't be mowing the lawn after all. 

I suppose the fish might need to eat dinner late. 

I suppose it's complicated. 

Are you tired of it being complicated? 

The gnome will not stop looking at me. 

One of these days I might take the metal shovel to his thin, white, ceramic skull. 

I have so many friends here! 

I make the penis joke and his eyes light up. Yes, there are penis jokes inside of me. 

Kept hidden, like so much else. Picky

and unbothered

Drive safe my darling 

Fingers find their way 

dancing in the living room 

music loud enough to drown the thunder

 

 

 

Rocks

 

 

At least I'm eating again. I don't sleep, not until 3 am, then the alarm rising out of the darkness at 8. I dress, pour coffee, sit in the car and drive to the farm, beautiful. All those years and I took it for granted. The chain blocks momentum; I piss squatting over the porta potty. We will go to the waterfall after we've hiked to the tops of the rock cliffs and I've scuttled hands-to-boulders out to the edge, stomach flipping look-down hundreds of feet oooo! Wet bird hitches wings wide to the sun, twirling to catch the light. Take your time; I'll leave you be. Sips from rock puddles, eyes me. The descent, cobwebs swaddle the wet skin of my arms, my stomach, my ear, my chin. A fly slams into a web. The spider darts forward, spears. Slinks backward. Waits. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the thunder comes

 

 

When the thunder comes, Hanna does too, black tail tucked, drops to the floor under the pale wooden desk. I drop too, slide under the desk to my stomach, stroking her, whispering. This is your home. You're safe inside. From his hiding spot under the guest room bed, Wilson hears us. He slinks up the hall to the office door, belly low to the gray floor. It's four feet to the desk and he's scared. I coax him. You're okay. You can do it. He runs to us. I place one palm on Hanna's thick body and curl one arm around Wilson's tiny orange frame. I fold my body inside the desk's legs—a wall on two sides. They lie together inside the wall, ears perked, eyes wide. Together, we listen to the thunder. We practice being brave. We keep each other safe. 

 

 

This church is prayer-conditioned

 

Exclamation point. 

 

Money Penny grows green, green, taller

 

Wilson eyes down the vent. 

The little teal lamp deserves a place to shine.

 

Bowls pile up on the desk next to mugs piling up on the desk

Yeah, yeah. I'll wash them. 

 

My fingers have flown through the beginner books and I need to go to the store for intermediate. Need to hang the bird boxes. Need to hang the bee box. Need to convert grass to native beds. Need to find the leak in the pond and fix it. Need to adopt more fish and frogs for the pond. Need to make sure the new fish and frogs don't harm the existing fish, such survivors. Need to grout the corner of the shower. Or is it caulk. Need to caulk something else. Or is it grout. Need to fix the leak under the sink. Need to re-grade the small strip of back yard that lets water stand by the foundation. Need to fix the laundry duct. Need to further extend the gutter extenders. Need to organize the garage. Need to mop the bathroom floor. Need to sign the PDF and let the tree guy know he can cut down the Sassafras, I don't want him to, she's sick. Need to stop Hanna from eating Wilson's poop. Need to figure out why the swamp milkweed isn't thriving. Need to plant more echinacea beside the existing echinacea. Need to assemble the compost bin and designate a composting system. Need to dig lines for the tiered beds and add a drainage pipe. Need to remove the forsythia; replace with natives. Need to tame the forsythia in the meantime. Need to dig up and remove all bush honeysuckle from the property, that nasty invasive taking over, ruthlessly. Need to weed the front bed. Need to water the air plants, a couple weeks overdue for their weekly soak. Need to remove the shrinking white flower buds from the yellow pitcher. Need to fold the clean laundry, sitting in the clean laundry basket. Need to carry the laundry hamper back upstairs from the basement and place it in the bedroom closet instead of tossing dirty laundry on the floor. Need to charge my phone. Need to start Hanna's new medication. Need to diagnose the succulent rot. Need to get my singing voice back into shape. Need to edit that novel. Need to write more poetry again. Need to paint the edges of my painting so it hangs prettier. Maybe teal. Maybe orange? 

Need and also get.

 

First, I will express my sadness and hurt. I will command my freedom. 

Then I will play the keyboard. I will take another bite out of those fresh rolls. I will think about you and wonder if you're thinking about me. I will take off all my clothes and wash the sweat from my body, long run in 93-degree heat

 

Pret-a-Powder

 

Salutations! 

 

I didn't know that kind of product existed. 

Pink jackrabbits hop toward purple-green explosions. 

 

Get rid of articles it will sound better. Get rid of adverbs it will read better. Get rid of superlatives it will sound truer. Get rid of it.

I am making a home for myself and I will not be deterred. I've never had one before. There are wild flowers on the wall and I sing Wildflowers in the shower and I carry flowers inside by the armful and plop them into big wide open-mouthed vases.

I stay in the shower even after I've rinsed the conditioner from my hair and I sing and I sing and I sing.

 I play the keyboard in Strings. I'm reading a book again.  

Permalink published on location options 

My location has changed. 

Never thought I'd leave the mountains, my home. Only for this verdancy, this bounty, also my home. Born from it. Like native ferns unfurling out of this earth. The trees cradle us in their shadow. 

I sit on the calls it's not me. I say the words it's not me. I tell myself duty, duty, duty. Who says?

I am tired of living within so many rules. That's not who I am, or was, or was meant to be. 

I had many friends there, yes. Here, I have so many people who would take me into their homes. Grateful for it.

big fireball of gratitude and yearning 

My desire pours over.

Please. I'm so  

Mind the Gap

 

I feel better already

It's hard to offer up something you love for judgement 

Ten months a year 

When I think I am too tired to carry on I drive 40 minutes upward and ski laps in the snow

He putts CGI greens and I'm chewing 

on a chocolate protein bar 

He washes a mug, a bowl, and spoon, just the way my breakfast needs them 

That is a kind of knowing I didn't know existed 

When it comes to sexualizing men, I could argue either way 

In the sunshine white shirt black eyes 

Good at predicting things 

I wish I could stop caring about being assessed 

Maybe that's partly what the practice is for 

Pick Thai obviously medium spice steam the tofu tip higher and higher again when she protests 

The only positive consent violation = tipping really well 

Putt putt mother effer 

Up to six feet, some say 

I'm going to float the river assholes 

Come on, let's be a little daring

Whiskey fruit

 

I didn't do it on purpose, but I knew I was doing it. 

I tried to get him to like me. 

Pursed octogenarian lips thick fumbling fingers

My youth sits alone in the waiting room 

Maybe you should get up and make it yourself 

I ask for another favor

They're eager to drain us of blood 

I wish I wasn't so good at embodying what I'm not 

We didn't get invited to the wedding

Why are you together if you don't believe in it 

I never thought I would. 

II. 

Why? Because when I run the blossoms are chin height

I breathe hard, inhaling them 

Now I'll walk those same streets with my dog 

Honestly I'm not ranked or free

I've never been able to skate 

Prepare to eat your shorts for lunch 

Can you fucking believe that I learned how to ski