morning/after

 

Waking early, I didn't mind it. Brushed my teeth, splashed cold water on my face, I didn't mind it. Foraged for a matched sock in the mound of unfolded laundry, I didn't mind it. Pulled a dirty pair of work pants over my thermal tights and didn't mind. Messed up the ratio of dairy-free creamer to coffee and didn't mind. Drove to work, joined my friend in the woodland, thick thorns entangling me, I didn't mind. One by one, I pulled them from my fleece until I'd stepped free of the snare. What's the news? Yesterday I napped for the first time in seven years. On the drive home I was singing. 

he says what many people don't understand is that mistakes are a gift, because you can learn from them

 

In defiance I asked for the clippers. In a perfectionistic haze he overused them. In the mirror I mourn the loss. Now I know. 

walking at night

 

You have said what needed to be said, and honorably. The moon is seven-eighths full. 

A thick, flat cloud hangs like a painting over the rooftops. 

The stars have come out. 

Hold to the truth and speak it. You'll find liberation there. 

The apology comes so late. 

Even the fading stars are still shining.

Surely it's not a coincidence that as you prioritize yourself, other people care too. 

Orion cinches his belt. He aims. 

sure

 

I have never been have I no she has never been no she says you have never been and condemned for it. When I tell the story out loud when I hear my voice telling the story when I say the words that form the story when I say the words and I watch her face when I say the words and I hear myself say them I am shocked by how straightforward it sounds. The banality of harm. Its continuity. Perhaps more so perhaps also perhaps most of all perhaps most hard to say I'm embarrassed by it. How I let it go on for so long. How familiar it feels to feel ashamed. As if the alcohol never left the system as if the alcohol is still flowing through the body-which-is-a-system as if the alcohol is corroding our veins as if our blood is turning to liquor as if our pulse is slackening as we remain acting as if veins do not lead to the heart. Why have I been unable or unwilling to act as if this matters. In her eyes so much compassion that I almost forgive myself. 

Bryce

 

In the red-red canyon the red rock rises above the red earth sinking beneath the heft of red stones. The sky is blue, blue is the sky, in the night, dark blue, and pricked full of stars. White whiffs of cloud. The desert endless and the trees evergreen. The sand-whipped deadwood: a mountain lion crouched over prey. 

comforter

 

I am sitting on the bed the comforter is dirty I am sitting on the comforter the bed is dirty I am sitting in my red sweatpants swaying I am swaying sitting in my red sweatpants. The dog is looking from the floor she is waiting she is waiting for my okay she is waiting for my okay so she can jump on the bed. The dog jumping on the bed is why the comforter is dirty. I bring this on myself. 

perspicacious

 

In front of the yarn store, beside the sheep pasture, tucked into the long green hillside, the orange cat preens 

I drove there by myself 

Also the old fire road, eighteen inches of fresh snow and the Honda sliding around switchbacks 

One-handed down Good Drive, on my way to other places 

Give him some space

Give him some time 

Let him find his way back to you 

I miss the alpine evergreens 

Here in my heart, what do they teach me 

Try this novel thing: 

I'm just not going to stop being myself

Let the chips fall