I've gone so far backwards
Re-seeing everything
Rewriting everything
The gift, the suffering, the tedium of this moment
All I want to do is ride my bike and garden and sit in the woods and read and write
Hiding away again
Not pulling
A younger perspective would be that my body has forsaken me
She's taking care of me
In the language she knows
I am so overwhelmed
Years of grief compressed into eleven months
So my eye is swollen, there's a rash on my hand, my pelvis aches
My vitality
My seeing
Feeling
Struggling to edit
Inner critic on the loose
It's not him any more
The problem is me
the things I've been through
And what they've done to me
And whether I am now the person I want and choose to be
Yesterday:
a Great Blue Heron in the creek
Resist summation
You're getting more and more put together and I am devolving
I can barely manage to put on real pants
Of course. Before you never had the option
Pour the cranberry juice into the water
Stretch your hamstrings
Take it