So you can take it less seriously

 

Do I judge you, of course 

But also, I understand

I did it too 

Now that we're clear 

I'm moving on 

Watching the dogs wade into cold creek water

Eddies around their brown and black legs 

Digging up liriope 

Planting heuchera and sedges 

He rakes leaves and small branches 

I take off my hat, unzip my vest 

The dogs run together 

That wildlife sign a reminder of friendship 

And what of yesterday? 

I cleaned the bathrooms 

Got a green smoothie and took the puppy for a walk in Lowe's 

It was raining 

Bought some toilet paper 

Sanitized the tub 

Vacuumed the upstairs carpets 

Turned myself into a gray rock 

Turned myself back into a person 

Drove to the doughnut shop 

Waxed poetic about ceramic mugs 

Laid on my side in the fetal position, gripping my ginger tea 

And what of tomorrow? 

Whatever happens, I'll prioritize feeling 

Little kindnesses every day

The sharp elderly woman in the grocery store aisle who joked with me about how we both hold our pee too long

The smiling man holding the door for me as I wheeled my cart out of the seed store 

The boy who told me wistfully, over and over again as he followed his mom into the creek, that my dogs are so cute 

nothing comes to mind

 

Perhaps I am not often vulnerable 

Perhaps I get that, to a certain extent, from and perhaps to a certain extent I had that forced upon me by her 

Fancying myself a coach, I ceased to practice 

I remember driving past the cemetery, shocked by the abjectness of getting a tattoo 

Memories—those sometimes awful things—

also help tether me here 

Also, saying it out loud 

I've never floated less

In the woods by the water she plunged her face in 

Yes the incapacity is devastating, and still—

We are raising a creature, together

See how magical 

pine comes

 

I'm not concerned that I felt it, at least 

That's not my primary concern 

I am alarmed by how quickly it's gone 

Like a leaf boat released into the sloshing gutter 

I wish you well 

Now it's morning and you are inside of me 

Just you, just me 

I never thought I could enjoy weekends like this 

After the poetry workshop I water all the plants 

We tromp the dogs through a field in snow squall 

Later we'll drag the big bed to the curb

You'll eat a turkey sub while standing in the garage 

preview forthcoming

 

If I cannot talk to him I can talk with myself 

Aren't I just as worthy of it? 

The pink flamingo shirt wedges between the dresser and the wall 

The squirrels are flying 

Flashes of that intersection 

On the way to the hospital 

So much horror and no one to share it with 

Of course I'm skirting the issue 

Honestly, I feel relieved 

The mountain painting reflects from the large wooden mirror 

The loons bob on the surface of the lake 

I'm not disappointed but I am a little mad 

The truth has set me free