Raptor forehand spike putt

 

 

Gosh dangit, I've misplaced my good trowel

Mosquitos chomp my ass 

The beebalm is root-bound 

I squeeze and squeeze and squeeze 

25 plants in two days 

It got too dark for the bridge  

And still so much growing to do 

 

Why have we not been listening to the Grateful Dead 

I think I know where 

Miss the vegan food trucks 

Drinking hard cider with orange in it

So many times I stayed. So many times I don't remember why I left  

At the time it all seemed so serious

I might have some chamomile myself

Love to the precocious little girl at the farm stand, yearning to be seen 

I tell her about Colorado so she knows women can move to the mountains 

Wish it was earlier

I read the magazine for Christmas tree growers 

Thank you to the young men who considered my dog

I think we should go to IKEA soon

I have eaten the jalapenos 

Does sex count as a sport 

To try to get the full flight

 

 

The squirrel surveys the devastation, baby in tow 

I am so sorry I can't breathe 

I fill the feeder with birdseed and place it on the hollowed stump: an offering 

Money plant

 

They have taken the Sassafras and a squirrel's home with it

The falling limbs slap the dogwood, slam the wild sea oats' thin reeds 

I'm so sorry. 

It was a danger

Trying to care for my neighbors; the squirrel suffers

Trying to care for the other trees; the dogwood and the sea oats suffer

The canopy parts and I feel exposed

I miss the shadow of her trunk, her verdant crown

I'm so sorry 

At least more sun flows in

You don't have to try any more.  

True love, innit? 

I smell the candle though it isn't lit 

Vanilla

 

Perhaps tonight I'll plant more beebalm 

Perhaps I'll drive across the river 

I've lariope to deliver  

My heart broke too 

I was thinking of you the whole time. 

No, CJ, no

  

it's got that wildness 

it does behoove me 

man I'm so attracted to women  

maybe he sees more than I think 

 

devotion isn't always intentional

52 minutes of sex and infidelity

releasing the chaotic twenties 

You don't have to be perfect   

 

How do you turn yourself off? 

How do you turn yourself on? 

 

Maybe sometimes they're trying to reconnect with an older part of themselves

he'll say it's too personal 

I bought a wagon-full of flowers 

home past the Slow Down 

inside to pee 

back to the car, tail thumping, and we're off

after yesterday's biathlon

still feels good to walk in the woods

slowly

 

home for lunch salad

the singing boy bringing you to tears 

into the yard for planting lobelias 

back inside, dancing, candle lit 

30 minutes of journaling

when the group zoom turns on I'm gone

back into the yard, planting 

 

native asters, creeping jacob's ladder, scarlet beebalm 

I have transplanted the hibiscus  

You'll need to rent a stump grinder

it's looking more like you

Wish list

she wears yellow trestles 

so glad you have your horse to occupy the couch

once upon a time I thought I'd be a steeplechaser 

 

 

wouldn't take me too long I don't think  

Join us to fight the flu  

remember walking daily city sidewalks with grime and trash embedded in them, with layers upon layers of the evidence of soles  

For years I rode the subway to get to places 

Then my skis, and wheels, my feet 

Now it's all of it

I really am shockingly grateful 

loving my nail polish 

letting in that mischievous energy letting in that chaotic energy letting in that vitality 

She's loving it! 

I miss the closeness of women 

I love the fierceness of women 

I really do feel a lot more free 

that's what I was going for

prosperity and creativity and true love and sex 

Hickory nut

 

 

The poison spreads 

Wrist, forearm, bicep

Thigh? Maybe. Hope not 

 

The chocolate warehouse burned down

Perhaps I will go to the candy factory 

There's a butcher in the shoppe 

 

1.5 hours to circumnavigate the lake 

I like my kayak and call her Caddy

We putter around. A heron starts. Cormorants fan their wings on a slowly sinking log. White egrets circle the shallows. Yellow lilies about to burst. Turtles sunning. I scoop a drowning bug on my paddle and tip them onto the front of my boat. They ride the helm, wings drying, triumphant. They take off when they're ready--15 magnificent feet of flight before plummeting back to the water. I turn the boat around, scoop the drowning bug onto my paddle, tip them once again onto the red plastic. I aim for the bushes overgrowing the bank. They leap when we're close, scrambling onto a branch

Safety is always tenuous

Is it driving you mad? 

It's driving me 

Perhaps I'm foolish. I didn't make it up 

I edit the novel 

I take Hanna for a run in the woods, through meadows sensual with goldenrod 

Someone has placed bags of brown leaves and acorns at the foot of the driveway 

I'm brave enough 

I just don't see things that way 

Not interested in battling 

Still have fight in me 

I paint my nails with vegan colors: left hand gold, right hand lavender-blue. left toes lavender-blue, right toes gold

The hyacinths won't last the winter

Unburdened of shame

At 8 o'clock I'll dance again 

Are you?  

If I could spend all fall in the fecund woods I'd do it 

 

Leave it to me

 

 

Twice

I arm-swing extremes

Is the issue one of the extremes or is the issue the extremes 

So sad for g

I got calamine lotion on the navy blue quilt.

 

She was in the audience

Light-bright greens

He's hired improv actors 

I forgot to get the ice cream 

Cracking 

He would run for me 

 

Candycane face slaps 

I am so sick of last-minute apologies 

There's also love there

You know what? This is just too much 

 

Rolling hills

 

 

When the fear comes I task myself with doing scary things. I climb on my bike at rush hour and ride the crowded roads semis-delivery trucks-family sedans whooshing my shoulder tensing scan-ahead threats potholes-drainage grates-slick paint-small rocks big enough to pop a thin tire or wrest it from its forward trajectory, and me metal-clipped in, which is for me very close to trapped, and me with breath tight in my chest, and me with shoulders rising, and me knowing if I mess up I could die. So I breathe. I breathe, I drop my shoulders away from my ears, I tuck my bellybutton to my spine and I ride the line. When I've biked for miles along the yellow-painted roads I duck into farmland fly tunnels of drying cornstalks clacking bald eagle soaring blue skies, swirl S-roads dip into valleys looking up to the tops of the big hills--I can do this--pedal my lungs out. Then back to the trafficked roads, quiet now, and I bike home up the long steep hill. And I bike home with the scent of cow shit stinging my eyes. And I bike home against the headwind. By the time I get there I feel strong again. 

 

 

 

Waffle

 

 

Am I allowed to decide because of one seemingly significant thing 

He's got the birdie eyes

 

Nick Lowe where have you been all my life 

 

Twice now

He's goin' for it

Probably I will eat some gluten-free mochi

I had something to say 

I am so sick of stories about domination 

He's working in the basement of Forest Knob 

Hanna wriggles in bird poop, jumps into bed, demands pets 

Nobody else in the world could roll in shit and climb into my bed with me smiling

That checks out 

I did not make healthy choices 

We're going to trust your nervous system 

Don't just hit the easy button 

Keep being a warrior for your own heart 

Hungry ghosts are hungry 

Farm June lives her principles

Your tender heart is your greatest asset 

 

It's simply lever lock and Bob's your uncle

Bouts of obsession

My normal isn't normal to strangers on the internet

Poison creeps my forearm

Wilson defends his territory

 

Welcome the spiders

Holding my breath in the post office line

if your experiencing bulling there are resources  

 

 

Funny things

 

Everybody's calling me 

I just bounce around like a pool ball. 

Who knows, maybe God needed the money more than that kid.

 

Later 

Reclining in sunlight undulating my forearms

That plant cannot go on the mantle any more

The book has a string through it 

I was going to say something 

Not wearing any underwear 

I will never own a smart fridge. If I have to revert to iceboxes I won't 

Mother of god, the google search results 

A tender heart is your biggest strength 

You're going to get out there and stand on your own two feet again 

Cowed by Loretta Lynn 

Hanna wades up the center of the current 

Is Labor Day over already 

One lone red leaf on a rock 

Pennywort

Frog fruit 

Water mint 

Frozen fruit 

The planters are on sale 

Out of hyacinths 

If this is my farm then I'll make it 

I hope my composter arrives tomorrow 

 

Forgotten what it was to move slow 

Fast is painful, my knee buckling in the night 

Having to hike anyway. It's too beautiful 

If I could bottle this smell and infuse it into my bedlinens it would never cease to make me ache

I think I'm a person who will always have an ache

I am not an aquarium guy 

You can't be sure you'd do it then if you don't do it now

 

 

Now it's 2 

Show him 

A little bit 

A luttle 

Especially on camera

 

She presses babies on me, I struggle to breathe 

Melting, floppy little body on my hip

I want everything all of the time 

How long can you go without writing it 

 

The flute whistles 

Am I a dog to you 

Don't hit that

 

The old white liberals love the formal gardens

the oil paintings at the annual art show 

They brave the rain 

 

Oh no, it went all the way 

Sad about the art

and the rings 

In my dream I got mad 

Stop ducking in and out

My dog ran away from the fireworks 

You said you didn't have to work

 

What would she have been fighting about

 

 

Burn 

This keyboard is different 

I haven't had a doughnut in so long   

Wilson walks heavier on my torso

Oh fuck yeah, I'll be over in a couple minutes

 

Pine needles and cool air 

Fall is coming

Insides filled to bursting 

Perish the leaves, the earth feeds on them 

Remember kayaking the lake, sunset

Remember skiing in the aspens

Moose tracks and snowshoe hares

Okay. I have to go to bed soon. 

 

I will be returning to the workshop in December 

You're a cute little teapot 

Doesn't love me enough to let me 

Begging for release 

 

I have to listen to myself 

They'll be short minutes  

The little roof that could

 

In this house we drink seltzers

eat freeze-dried, wild-caught boar

and freeze-dried, wild-caught salmon 

four round brown eyes watching my hands at the bags 

 

I cannot stop ing 

The teddy bear covers his eyes 

 

The cicadas are so loud 

Love it--living amidst the trees 

Two days ago Wilson caught one big-blue-green-winged in the front room 

I tried to cradle it in a magazine to carry it outside

It rattled and launched, not having it 

Wilson pounced

I popped out the window screen and picked Wilson up

The cicada found freedom 

I praised Wilson for his hunting

Wilson preened 

Then Hanna shoved her wide head under my palm

You're a good hunter too, I said

She looked relieved

 

All I can manage is one line at a time

My desire claws at my insides

 

I'm saying what I think 

In my dream I was about to have sex with Tyler 

Then my parents walked in on us 

They yelled at me to get in the car; they were taking me home 

Damnit brain. I was so angry

 

The fan is so loud

Were you thinking of me the whole time 

I miss you 

Do you want me

Probably I will vacuum the carpets on Saturday 

Certainly I will see loads of friends this weekend 

And two birthday parties 

And, of course, I'll be picking up my kayak 

Fuck I'm so excited to have my own kayak 

Recycle right

 

 

I can't get mad any more 

Everything sucks 

My therapist says I'm doing a great job 

Maybe she's insane 

Don't want to be great if it means I've adapted to this shit 

Don't enjoy being maladapted 

Get better at acting better!

There won't be ice caps by 2100  

A child born today will see it 

Sometimes I say bitch now 

I don't expect any of us to live that long 

The Supreme Court owns my uterus 

Billable at $10,000 per narc 

The trash can stinks 

The breeze blows the trash can stink into my nostrils 

I came outside to enjoy the sun

After days of biblical rain

My retirement plan is systemic collapse

I used to have a future