Don't cancel the reading

 

I know it's you by the sound of it 

I thought about it all day

How long I missed you 

How I can no longer ignore the screaming 

Lying on the couch under the chenille blanket 

I want to ignore the 

One sounds warm and the other, cold 

I'm not sure it's that simple 

I'm not sure I'm not sure 

The internet says I'm not supposed to feel like that 

I've been afraid of you 

I've been afraid of you 

It feels good to not say it 

I wish you'd asked differently 

I wish you'd asked 

I wish you —

I wish you —

I missed you 

What would you tell your friend

On TV a person wakes up when someone who loves them tells them they're sleeping 

  

Throat chakra

 

Anxious 

Tired of it 

I didn't know how to get there 

People write fiction in part to explore their basest feelings without having to cop to them 

The vitality of space

In the breathing room I discover all the places my body is carrying pain 

I don't know if I'm moving toward anything 

In retrospect I never expected to be an unmoored person 

Not least of all I thought love would be different

Third drawer down 

Second stack from the right

Gray, soft t-shirt 

This life is too stimulating 

I miss the mountains so much I can't breathe 

Dogs live here 

People take care of them 

Nothing left to do but scream 

A truncated list of things that bother me

 

Sticky surfaces

The scent of onion on my fingers  

Tight waistbands 

Itchy fabric laid directly against my skin 

People who don't actually listen when someone else is talking to them 

Commercials 

When people on the internet comment on an article without reading the article 

The expectation that everything someone writes or says should accommodate itself around every facet of another person's lived experience, regardless of whether the writing or speaking person knows the other person or whether the writing or speaking person is focused on expressing their own experiences 

Men who don't listen when women are speaking 

The ways I've debased myself for shitty men's approval 

When people say, I shouldn't be eating this, when they're eating something they enjoy eating 

Vacuuming 

Every right-wing politician and most of the Democrats 

The smell of lightly decaying food scraps in the drain catcher in the kitchen sink 

The incessant high-pitched whir that emits when the battery for the electric leaf blower is charging 

Bigotry against bisexuality, most especially from within the queer community 

The fact that some people don't like to read and that some other group of people, both overlapping with and distinct from the group of people who don't like to read, doesn't enjoy listening to music 

The way Paul Hollywood's opinion is privileged over Prue Leith's opinion on The Great British Baking Show 

Any time I can't get a twist-off jar lid to open despite using all my strength. This is poor design that warrants a refund 

Mountain biking

When Suzie breaches the baby gate, races up the stairs, and starts gorging herself on Wilson's dry food 

Corporate price gouging

A hangnail that's long enough to continuously irritate your cuticle flesh but not long enough to remove with nail clippers 

Almost everything my mother says 

Jeff Bezos

When you're sharing about something going on in your life that's consternating you and someone says, without you asking, and without them acknowledging that you haven't asked or asking whether you'd appreciate hearing what they're about to say, My advice is... 

I'm glad to be tall

 

Of course I'm grateful 

Changing out the laundry in my basement 

Releasing the dogs through the front door into the fenced yard 

No landlord looming over my consciousness 

How lucky am I 

It's been long enough now that I need to remind myself where we came from 

Still, some things are similar 

The day started with coffee and the Grateful Dead and reading on the beige chair in natural light 

Magic

A 20-mile bike race through Central Park 

More reading on the gray couch 

A drizzly walk with the dogs at a big green park 

A wander around a new grocery store 

Takeout barbecue from my friends' parents' restaurant 

Doing laundry in the room down the stairs  

Sundays are better when they aren't a litany of chores 

I felt so much better until I looked back 

X out of the tabs, June 

You simply can't read it all 

When we talk about adventuring, I feel so excited 

Shimano 105

 

I wake so tired 

Take the puppy out and faceplant on the couch 

5:30 and the sun not risen 

Now the outside is encircled with light 

Between then and now I drove to the bike co-op and rebuilt my bicycle 

With good guidance and good women's company, I threaded new cables and their housing, clipped the cables and tipped their ends, fixed my chain, replaced the hoods, replaced the tape, replaced the end plugs, replaced the back tire, trued the front tire, lubed the bolts so I could move them, replaced the seat, lubed the stem, cleaned the whole kit and caboodle

My hands: dust and grease and residual tack, tired from wrestling grimy bolts

At the end I climbed on my old bike, not usable these past few years, and road her proudly around the park

I remember walking her home to my place in the city a decade ago, chain grease still visible on my pink jeans 

 

He helped me know she was the one

Then I stopped at the natural food store, chatted about nail polish with the man who loves chia seed pudding as much as I do, bought shredded beet salad and locally made whole milk yogurt and a wintry wreath to hang on the front door 

Came home, took my medicine, ate a salad 

Raked leaves for hours, pausing every so often to chat with neighbors or to call the barking, happy dogs to my side 

Strung the lights along the fenceline 

Went for a long walk and talked to my dearest friend 

Took a shower 

Watched one episode of an episodic documentary about dog dancing 

Ate leftovers from yesterday's dinner: kohlrabi, kale, onion, purple carrots, sausage from a nearby farm

Laid on the couch with the dogs and cat

For women, it's all about leverage