Monday, November 22, 2010

6. Sunday throwback

I wrote this sometime in August, I think, or maybe September. But I find that it's a great text to refer back to on a regular basis (In this way, you could say that it's just like the Bible (I kid))

Listen. I am saying this with my head propped up on an old stuffed dog and my belly full of raisins and chocolate.

It's okay.

You are allowed to lie on your back on your bed with the fan on above you, too late already for a full night's sleep and still unable to close your eyes.

You are allowed to be awkward around your boss and to spend all day feeling like a childish fool in clunky shoes.

You are allowed to feel unsure how you feel about this new face in the mirror. You are allowed to think you look awesome. Yes, even if you have fleshy hips and you wear pants in a larger size than two. You are also allowed to think that you look awesome if you have hardly any hips and your pants are a size two.

You are allowed to move any way that your body wants to. You are allowed to lie on the floor if that's where you're comfortable.

You are allowed to think that you are sexy and attractive and alluring and come-hither-oh-me-oh-my-oh-tastic. You are allowed to Be sexy, and attractive, and alluring, and come-hither-oh-me-oh-you-oh-God-yes.

You are allowed to walk the fifty minutes to work in the morning. You are also allowed to walk to the bus stop and then ride that bus the whole way to your office building's door.

You are allowed to feel lonely sometimes, and afraid.

You are allowed to ask "who says?," and you are allowed to say "fuck you" to the mandates that do not serve your own well-being. You are allowed to talk back to a system that tells you to hate yourself, to hate your body, to harm yourself in innumerable ways, to rot your brain. You are allowed to declare your independence from all of that.

You are allowed to wear flip-flops to work even though they may not be "proper business attire". 

You can also breathe really loudly during yoga class and let out great huge yodels while kickboxing. It's okay if other people think you are weird; even so you're allowed to be loud, bold, and brave.

You are allowed to spend hours lying in bed, reading or writing or talking on the phone. Yes, you are even allowed to watch TV.

You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to love somebody and still maybe not want to be with them. You are allowed to like more than one person at the same time.

You are allowed to be unsure. Though awareness is great, you do not have to know what you are thinking and feeling every moment of every day. You are allowed to let things come to you, to let things percolate for a while and take shape in their own due time. You are allowed to say "I don't know."

You are allowed to be honest with yourself and with others about who you are and what you think and feel. You are allowed to care about things even if people try to tell you that that's "uncool". You are allowed to be sensitive and in tune to the troubles and the wonders of being alive.

You're allowed to feel pain and you are allowed to feel immeasurable joy.

You are allowed to be smart. It's also okay to feel dumb sometimes. You can be the leader, if somebody needs to take the reins. You can hang toward the back of the pack if that's where you're most comfortable.

You can be exactly who and what you are and you can tell other people to go fuck themselves if they cannot respect that. You can say that and still be a good person.

You are allowed to forgive other people, to let go, to move on. You are allowed to forgive yourself.

You are allowed to be as free as you choose to be.


  1. This is one of the most incredible things I've ever read. Thank you.

  2. Thank you, Zoe. So very, very much, thank you.