Monday, October 31, 2016
POWER yoga (heated)
Now equipped with a Peppermint Patty I try to make sense of this mess.
I slept til 9:30 and pronounced that contrary to the plans we had made I would be spending the day in bed.
He was more understanding than I would have expected. So was I.
I laid there and I read the book for hours. Were it my copy that thing would be earmarked and penned to shit by now. But seeing as it belongs to the library the next town over I tried instead to commit the resonant bits to memory.
For most of those hours I felt like I was holding my breath.
If I let down my guard I might cry for years, and that would really interfere with the plans I have laid.
Still I am trying to let myself feel.
It is very hard, harder than I had thought, and I thought it would be hard.
It helps that Wilson stays with me, content to sleep through his breakfast hour in order to remain curled under the afghan between my shins.
It helps to watch a movie in the middle of the day.
It helps to go to yoga.
It helps that he has quit drinking. Instead he buys me almond milk, Halloween candy, potato chips flavored like pumpkin pie. He retrieves my green socks from the bedroom and gently slides them on over my feet.