Thursday, March 2, 2017
I'll admit I was startled. I haven't seen a bug in so long.
Because I was gone all day at the Master Gardener training Wilson has ziplocked himself to my chest. Pets and kisses are nice but the important thing is that our bodies remain in as much contact as possible. He has gained a little weight, what with turning eight years old and living in a smaller space (where there are fewer opportunities for mad dashes across rooms or up stairs), and his ten pounds press into me like one of those weighted security blankets, only this one is warm and it purrs.
Today I brought home seeds of calendula, jojoba, mini hollyhocks, lemonbalm, self-heal. I will plant them along with the rosemary, lettuces, hardy greens. I will learn how to harvest them into salves and tinctures and facial scrubs. I am still waiting to hear back from the community garden but in the meantime my neighbor has offered to build me my own garden bed in her backyard.
In exchange, I taught her about vermicomposting.
We have fought again and I have cried again and I have felt mistrustful again and so it goes.
I am realizing that I don't have my shit together as much as I thought.
I am realizing that I need to feel cared for more than I thought.
I am realizing that I do not know how to let myself feel cared for.
Realization is worth a pound of cure.
Her face is aged but only because an artist spent hours applying the makeup, adjusting the wig, outfitting her with glasses. What a weird world.
Friend I miss you so much I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. I remember telling you to go for it after watching you in that play, seeing you grow and honor yourself. I care about you so much and I am sorry my actions have not made that clear.
Can you believe I've lived in Colorado for nearly a year.
I am going to focus on myself, being all I can be, and let the chips fall where they may.
Tomorrow morning, after yoga, I am getting a massage. Tomorrow evening I am participating in one of my favorite annual traditions.
There is still something to be said.
I wish I could try a bite of that.