For so long I had a story about my life

 

Anger gets to me 

I rise and head for the guest room 

still can't stop clenching 

It's starting to come to me 

head tilted back on the edge of the bed 

everyone said it catches up to you eventually 

I was running very fast and very far 

I got so tired 

Back halved 

Body shiv-shiv-shivering 

Hanna warm on foot 

He was mad about the bacon 

We saw things from a different angle 

Oh it was so bad

I didn't know how to begin to tell you 

Maybe you're an island I escape to

Broad shoulders now 

He's really trying to love you 

Is any of it enough 

Maybe I got what I wanted at the time, even if it wasn't good for me

Knees spread wide on the edge of the bed 

Maybe now I am getting what I want

Is it the presence or the past 

Looking at the swirling black light 

That part of me is real, a hurt dog squealing in the back of the cage 

That part of me is real, snarling  

That part of me is real, crying as fingers draw lightly across my back 

Family is not a safe word 

For so long I had a story about my life that didn't involve the drinking, head bashed against walls, shirts ripped, head twisted, back slammed into stones 

I carried cavernous suitcases alone 

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry 

Like making people laugh 

KB intimates humor is a defense mechanism 

Queens street with the obnoxious security cams 

Palm slammed to blue hood 

Heavy metal in the park 

I once bought my produce at a bodega 

Okay okay you can do this 

All people are change 

You go or you grip 

I am here with you now 

brave girl 

land the plane